Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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