I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
