In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
