So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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