Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize