I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
