all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
