Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize