Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
