fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
