i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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