How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
