My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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