Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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