I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize