you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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