the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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