I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
In America we eat man semen.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
