Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
