Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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