That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
