I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize