are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
