i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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