I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
