you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
