Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
