She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Randomize
