Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
