i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
