my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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