i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She bit a glass in half.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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