I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
