You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She's the barista slut.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
