Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
