peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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