im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my sisters under your porch take her home
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
