You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
