I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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