and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
