I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
