I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
