Non-Jews are for practice
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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