you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
