why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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