I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
