the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All the doctor said was why
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
