When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
