he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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