He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I had to cum in my sink.
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