2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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