you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
