I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
