you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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