I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
