whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
home. puking in laundry basket.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
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