im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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