I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
