omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
