just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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