Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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