Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
